Tool to Reduce Shame

Shame is sneaky. It tells us to keep quiet, to hide the parts of ourselves we don’t like. And to pretend everything’s fine. 

But here’s the truth: shame hides in the dark. And the more we hide it, the more control it has over us.

One of the simplest ways to start reducing shame is to bring it into the light. That means talking about it—naming it—giving it words. Shame can’t survive when it’s spoken out loud.

You don’t have to make a big dramatic confession or tell the whole world your secrets. It can be as small and gentle as talking with someone you trust—a therapist, a close friend, or a family member who listens without judgment. 

When we share our shame with someone who responds with empathy, something powerful happens: the shame starts to lose its grip. We begin to realize we’re not alone, and that what we’ve been hiding isn’t nearly as terrible as our minds made it seem.

If talking to someone feels too hard at first, that’s okay. You can start by talking to yourself. Try journaling about what you feel ashamed of—no filters, no editing, just honesty. 

You might also record yourself talking about it, as if you’re having a conversation with a kind, understanding friend. These small acts of bringing your shame into the light can help you see it more clearly and treat yourself with more compassion.

The goal isn’t to erase shame completely—it’s to take away its power. Every time you speak your truth instead of hiding it, you remind yourself that you’re human. We all make mistakes, we all have regrets, and we all have moments we wish we could redo. You’re not broken or bad for feeling shame—you’re simply human.

So the next time shame tells you to stay quiet, try doing the opposite. Speak it. Write it. Share it. Because when we shine light on our shame, it can’t control us anymore. And in that light, we find freedom, healing and a deeper connection to ourselves and others.

At Building Better Oregonians, I help clients explore the emotions that keep them feeling stuck—like shame, fear, or self-doubt—and find new ways to move toward self-acceptance and connection. If you’re ready to start talking about what’s been hiding in the dark, email me and let’s schedule a time to connect. My email is: https://sendsafe.to/wesmurph@hotmail.com